At first I ignored the feeling and tried to go back to sleep. I used all my current RI tricks of darkness, counting breaths, rolling my eyes down. But a few minutes later, I was paddling in a cesspool of thoughts, to-dos, and internal demands.

My thoughts were not so much about getting something done as the energy of anger, just diverted to thinking.

Anger woke me. Damn it.

What was I angry about? Nothing. Nothing current. It’s the energy I carry around from childhood, from controlling, from stress. Something’s shifting in my life and I can see my anger more clearly. Damn it.

What to do with the anger? I was too tired to write, pound pillows, or anything other than rest or sleep.

I ended up doing some TAT–www.tatlife.com—but I was too tired to even put one hand on my forehead and the other on the nape of my neck. So I imagined I was doing it and exaggerated the sensations in my body—my jaw wired shut, jutting head, queasiness, sadness. I had to come back to the sensations because it was easier to do a self-blame game. But I did. The energy dissipated… enough to rest and even sleep after a while. Amen.

Daylight savings/standard/confusion time drives me nuts. Despite setting my clocks ahead during the day (which helps a tiny bit), my body and time orientation is all skewed for days. I heard there are more car accidents the Monday after the switch than usual, so drive carefully.

My idea: We should spring ahead one half-hour and stop the changes. A half-hour change seems no odder than our current back and forth system.

What do you say?

Enjoy your nights,
Sondra

I had insomnia last night. I woke with a brain full of worries and sadness and lists and tension. I added the stress of no sleep to my list of woes.

I knew all the Restful Insomnia(TM) techniques–I developed them. Didn’t matter. I was so tense, and sleep seemed so far away, I couldn’t connect with trust that I could change my wakeful suffering. No, I would worry my way to happiness. Not the most successful plan, but well practiced.

Just try, it can’t hurt, I said to myself.  So I put on my eye mask, turned on the sound machine, focused on my body, and reminded myself that my thoughts were a story I was creating.

Insomnia without suffering. Okay, I can do this. Insomnia that drifted into sleep.

Glad I remembered.

Enjoy your nights,
Sondra

So much in 2009: A new full-time job in health communications, publication of A Better Brain at Any Age, writing my Restful Insomnia book (after trying for ten years), grieving the death of my husband, then the death of my oldest friend, changing my sense of self and sense of the world, feeling supported and held and sad.

A full year.

With it all, I was grateful to have Restful Insomnia–especially during sad nights or anxious ones. I could bring myself back from tension of unshed tears or the growing to-do list by remembering my body. Cry the cry, let go of the list for the moment, and just be with me in the night.

Now, my book is out, and I am out. Being seen, talking about my program, training in person and in webinars, to help create renewal for insomniacs across the world.

I miss sharing my book with my husband and friends, and happy to share it with you.

Enjoy your nights,
Sondra

Here’s what the book will contain:

• * Short Tour of the Brain
• * Not All in Your Head: The Body-Mind
• * Eating for Brilliance
• * Your Brain’s Environment
• * Play With Your Memory: Boosters and Stretchers 
• * Hey, Genius! Intelligence, Learning Styles, and Creativity
• * Emotions and the Brain: When You Can’t See the Forest for the Angst
• * Meditation and a Bigger Perspective: Less is More

I’m ready to blog again–in between edits, medical writing, and the stuff that pays.

Enjoy your nights,
Sondra

I started with TM (Transcendental Meditation) in… Cleveland, dating Andy, probably 1974. After the instruction, I was high as a kite, happy for the first time at my work, ready for a lifetime of joy. Then life returned–so disappointing. I kept meditating hoping that joy would return. 

I often fell asleep when I meditated, though I had occassional moments of beyond this. Once, I was driving to State College while Andy drove my blue Dodge Duster; I remember the darkness, the road, the body sensation of spaciousness. I don’t remember the content, just the sensation of more.

TM faded–I slept more than meditated. Over the decades I tried meditation classes, reading, during yoga. I say tried because I thought there was a place to get to…transcending my thoughts… and I never did. 

Still, there was something that kept me going.

I found myself meditating during Restful Insomnia. Lying in bed, returning to the breath. It lessened the Conscious Mind and I was proud of myself (see, I’m a good person, I meditate!). Then Ragini suggested I could get more connection to the spiritual and my mind by sitting up. I rousted myself vertical during insomnia, meditated, and returned to sleep.

Then I found the pleasure in meditation during the day.

Meditation has so many aspects. The body: lowers blood pressure, relaxes, deepens breath. The emotional: opens to the stories–true or not–behind the anger or fear. The spiritual: connects to the reality beyond the thoughts. The mind: trains focus and attention.

Researching for Brain Boosters, I read John Ratey’s A User’s Guide to the Brain. He says that movement is the essence of thought. That’s a whole ‘nother entry. Still, it got me thinking about paradox. Doesn’t stillness–meditation–enhance movement?

So now I practice being still. It’s not trying. I’m coming back, learning again and again that there’s stillness between the throughts, that there’s my breath, that there’s here and now. Always changing, here and now, but not moving. 

Even when I “don’t wanna” sit, there’s always soft pleasure when I do.

In fact, I’ll go breathe right now.

Enjoy your nights,
Sondra

• Brain exercises
• Food
• Exercise
• Creativity
• Emotional intelligence
• Types of intelligence
• Energy medicine
• Meditation.

I’m writing the The Big Book of Brain Boosters: How to Keep Your Brain Alive–Well into the Next Decade (Conari, 2008). The book will let you know the latest research on brains–in English–and tips to maximize the brain.

The first tip: Eat lots of Omega-3s* to improve the fats in our brain compared to the overdose of Omega-6s (most cooking oils) and other fats (animal fats).

Omega-3s are in

• Walnuts
• Butternuts (what are these?)
• Flaxseed
• Oils (flaxseed, canola, soybean)
• Fatty fish (salmon, herring, tuna, mackerel, sardines, bluefish)
• Fish oil capsules

And somewhere I read ground cloves?! Maybe that’s why we love pumpkin pie. Omega-3s ease depression and help cholesterol. I wonder if Omega-3s help you rest at night?

Have other brain boosting ideas? Let me know.

Enjoy your nights
Sondra

What a healing time. Sadness, friendship, sand castles, in and out with the waves.

We went to Port Townsend–Mary, Sallie, Nancy and me–picked up Jesse and found Nora’s house. We remembered Diane’s laugh, her life changes, our loss. We walked to North Beach and, inspired by Mary, made a sand castle of our memories of Diane. Then the tide came and took it back to the ocean.

Healing into rest.

Enjoy your nights,
Sondra

We think of Gratitude as a Thank You note.

Dear Higher Power,

Thank you for the nice sunset, my car, my kids.

Signed,
Me

That’s a useful start, but we’re missing something. We’re missing the experience of being alive.

When Gratitude is a Verb, appreciation for being alive.

• Thank you for the experience of seeing the sunset.
• Thank you for the feeling of driving a nice car.
• Thank you for letting me love my kids.

It’s the difference between having and being.

Express gratitude as a verb. Brings you into the present, doesn’t it? Express gratitude tonight–it helps you let go into rest…and sleep.

Enjoy your nights,
Sondra