Restful Insomnia

It’s easy to get into the “it’s not fair” of life. Or the “why did this happen to me?”

My latest biblio-therapy book–Everything Happens for a Reason, by psychotherapist Mira Kirshenbaum–changes that view. 

I’ve thought for a long time about that what we learn from what happens is the connection to our deeper selves, the larger universe, or God. Mira Kirshenbaum researched hundreds of people (herself included) who found gifts, lessons, or opportunities after bad times. She discovered they learned 10 main lessons, such as letting go of fear and radical acceptance.

It’s a comforting book, easy to read, and helps change the way I see my life choices and events.

Enjoy your nights,
Sondra

How do you release insomnia tension? Restful Insomnia’s five-step plan shows how each technique addresses natural nighttime renewal:

1. Soothe Your Night Environment: When you create a soothing environment of dusk and darkness, your body lets go. Since electricity and electronics stimulate us night and day, we use Evening Rituals and Night Nest techniques to relax the body and increase the natural production of melatonin.
2. Befriend the Body: Allow your Unconscious Mind to emerge by getting into your body (instead of thinking about it). Restful Insomnia teaches how to release tension with Night Yoga and lessen the impact of physical difficulties.
3. Diminish the Thinking Mind: Our minds can make us ecstatic—or miserable. You can release the hold of your mind at night with Restful Insomnia techniques such as inquiry, cognitive behavior changes, intuition, and body sensations.
4. Release the Hold of Emotions: Emotions are linked to our thoughts in a circular fashion—a belief can trigger an emotional response, and an emotional response can reinstate a belief. Too much feeling and thinking when we’re trying to rest! Reduce the intensity of emotional distress using Energy Medicine, Tapping Techniques, and Wisdom Writing.
5. Tap into the Natural or Spiritual Self: What’s left when you diminish the emotions, thinking mind, and your bodily activity? Sleep of course, and also a connection with the larger perspective on life, the balance of nature  and/or a spiritual dimension. Restful Insomnia helps you find a spiritual center—which helps you diminish the hold of the Conscious Mind.

Enjoy your nights,
Sondra

They’re featuring MJ Ryan’s This Year I Will (MJ produced Random Acts of Kindness), Mira Kirshenbaum’s Everything Happens for a Reason, and 365 Energy Boosters co-authored by me and Susannah Seton. It’s a nice boost to get a book treat in the mail.

Last night, I woke up at 3 a.m. thinking. Not unusual.

I put on my nightshades and rolled over. That usually sends me to rest. This time, I kept thinking: the dirty laundry, applications, money. No matter what I did, my thoughts haunted me.

Many of you read my article on the Gotta-Do mind. (It’s in my f ree e-book for those who sign up for my newsletter). But last night I was being chased by the gotta dos.

After two restless hours, I thought I might as well just get up and DO, even though Iwas exhausted. Then I remembered a deeper level of Restful Insomnia. Not the environment (nightshades), not the mind. I looked at the sensations of my body. Sadness in the chest, lots of exhales.

Aha. The Gotta-Dos were chasing me because I wanted them to. Part of me did. That part wanted to avoid the grief at losing my best friend. That’s why the lists were never-ending.

I needed to be sad.

I did some TAT in bed. I didn’t cry, but felt the energy of loss in my body. It was a comfort just to feel it rather than run away. And yes, the comfort led me quickly to sleep.

You can look underneath your habits to find the real you at night. Once you find it, you can embrace it, and embrace rest and sleep.

Enjoy your nights,
Sondra

My dearest friend died. I have a cold. I forgot about Restful Insomnia techniques for a few long hours last night. I’m a drama queen and could complain about all that.

And…

• My sister is here from the other coast. She is supportive, loving, and a good cook.
• My niece and nephew are here, playing with my kids. Mostly loving, creative, and laughter.
• It’s the Solstice (hurray). More light, more sun, expansion.

Gratitude helps keep things in balance.

Enjoy your nights,
Sondra

When I’m dying, let me be. Don’t tell me that:

• I should ”let go.”
• I’m holding on because something’s unresolved.
• I’m full of angelic energy but I’m unwilling to embrace it.

Those messages have good intentions, but they’re not messages for the dying. They’re comfort for the living. They all say, Die already, darling. It’s too hard to wait here while you are unconscious.

Being halfway dead is the body’s process–the lovely body that provided breath, digestion, taste, sex, a walk in the park, birth, work, art. The lovely body will lead to death when it’s time. In my friend Diane’s time, too. I’m grateful for knowing her in her body. I’ll miss her body when it’s gone.

What does this have to do with insomnia? The body helps release the tension of the thoughts. Thoughts that tell you that

• You should let go.
• You’re holding on because something’s unresolved.
• You’re full of sleep energy but unwilling to embrace it.

Those thoughts have good intentions, but they’re not messages for sleeping. Your conscious mind is telling you what to do. And your conscious mind doesn’t open the door to sleep, no matter how smart it is.

It’s your lovely body that provides sleep. Focus on the sensations, the images of sensations, the sounds of the night and your breath. Your lovely body gives you rest, and will give you sleep.

Enjoy the night,
Sondra

Eye rolls have a bad rep–especially when a teen reacts to a parent with leave me alone eyes. However, you can roll your eyes for the power of good: your relaxation!

When your eyes are closed, you can let your eyes soften and relax. Then your body slows and your unconscious mind guides you into deeper renewal.

You probably know that as you sleep, your eyes move. In a later stage of sleep comes REM–Rapid Eye Movement. Then your eyes bounce around under the lids, dreaming about monsters riding bikes or other odd imaginings.

Your eyes also move when you’re getting ready to sleep or have insomnia. Not the rapid movement of REM, but small movements beneath closed lids. They move around as you remember things to-do, imagine talking to your boss, or wonder if you should get up. When your eyes are closed, you’re getting some rest and helping your body pump some melatonin.

You can use your eyes to relax more deeply.

All you have to do is to roll your eyes to the “back”–though you’re actually rolling them up or down. That changes the eye patterns from a waking (working/worry) direction to the pattern of sleep or deep rest. In fact, many meditators suggest rolling the eyes to deepen the inward experience.

When I want to change my thinking mind with my eyes closed, I roll my eyes down. That connects me to my unconscious mind and soothes my body. When you sleep, your eyes naturally roll up and back.

It’s worth to try both downward and upwared rolls.

First just close your eyes, and notice how your mind and body feel. Then roll your eyes down. Notice your breathing and sense of relaxation. Then roll your eyes up and notice your breathing and body again.

When I do the eye rolls, my breathing is a little slower, and my arms feel more relaxed. There’s a subtle change in each eye-roll state.

The odd thing is that when my eyes are rolled back, my mind’s eye still thinks that I’m looking straight ahead. When I open my eyes, there’s a clear difference. If my eyes are straight ahead with eyes closed, I can focus quickly when I open my lids. If my eyes are rolled, there’s a blur as I regain my vision.

Some of my clients find a noticeable change in their whole body when they roll their eyes. Others play with it for a while before they notice how the eye rolls can transform them. A few can’t notice much difference.

What power do eye rolls have for you? You’ll find yourself changing your mind and body without doing much at all.

I’m grateful for friends. Ones who will witness and share my life, keeping their judgments at bay.

I’m grateful for Diane, my friend of 20 years. Authentic, adventurous, grounded in who she is and her body. She listened as I kvetch about work, eating, marriage, kids. She’d share my joy at making progress or having insights at my life.

I thought that when she caught her pancreatic cancer early, she’d have it licked. Doesn’t look like it.

There’s a story about a girl who was scared at bedtime. Her mother told her that God was all around. The girl was still scared. Her mom asked why. The girl replied, “I want God with skin on.”

I want Diane with skin on. And I’m grateful that I have her as a friend at all.

Enjoy your nights,
Sondra

Night is a creative time… and you don’t even have to be productive to get the results. Nightly rest plants seeds of creativity in your mind/body that bloom, day and night. (Keep it dark when you jot down your nocturnal blossoms.)

Here’s one of my nightly inspirations:

It’s more difficult to have a childhood disease–physical or emotional–as an adult.

I’m sure you’ve heard how hard it is to have the Chicken Pox as an adult. That’s why they’re hoping the vaccine will prevent adults from getting it (I’m skeptical ). It’s also more difficult to make emotional or developmental changes.

If as a child you didn’t learn clear boundaries, never took responsibility for yourself, ruled the roost with tantrums… you can learn how now. It just takes longer. And it’s more challenging than if you did it at age five. To stay on track as you change your habits it takes a good therapist, support group, friend or family member. You can re-grow up. A great book for this is Growing Up Again by Jean Illsley Clarke.

I’m grateful for my community of friends and family that supports growth and change. And a l-l-l-l-o-o-o-o-n-n-n-n-g-g-g-g time with a great therapist.

Enjoy your inspirations and your nights,
Sondra

I’ve found the binary bread crumbs back to my blog. I had to geek into unknown territory for several hours to find my user name, since my automatic sign-on had quit. I remembered why I don’t use automated phone numbers–because I don’t want to forget how to call with my fingers. Now I know my user name (and no, I won’t tell you).

Meanwhile, my nights were filled with thoughts about sleeping and insomnia. I’m clearly insomniated (some word) by my mind. But others, like my husband who denies he has Periodic Limb Movement Disorder, is driven awake my his jumpy body. Right now, I think that those whose bodies keep them awake–through snoring/apnea, PLMD, Restless Leg Syndrome and more–would do best to check with a doctor. Even husbands who don’t listen to their wives. For those who have active minds, Restless Insomnia can calm your nights…

…and sometimes it can’t calm you. I spent most of last night crying because my closest friend has a tumor with no medical remedy. I needed to cry more than to sleep. All I could do was go with it, and discover lessons on the way. Even if I’d rather not.

Sondra