Are You Lonely When You Have Insomnia?

Loneliness hurts when you have insomnia.

Awake in a quiet dark night… it feels like everyone else is happily asleep, including your partner dreaming beside you.

My new client, Emma, reminded me of this when she talked about her struggles at night.

She had an active, engaged life with a mission to make the world a better place. But during sleepless hours, when she thought about how she’d feel the next day, she knew she’d be too sleep-deprived to connect to those around her. Which just made her feel worse.

The lure of social media

Loneliness is one reason you reach for social media in the middle of the night – even though you know it is an obstacle to rest and sleep.

You just want to feel connected:

  • Someone likes or responds to your post.
  • Another picture or story resonates.
  • Seeing a video of little kitties dancing connects you to love and nature.

Loneliness starts to define your whole life. And the isolation of insomnia makes it worse. Because there’s not even anyone awake to tell how desolate you feel!

Climb out of the pit

Emma and I will soon focus on some tools to lift the weight of loneliness, but I really get how it can feel like a bottomless pit.

It’s a pit I swam in often for a long time after my husband and two best friends died within two years.

It takes focus to get out of the pit, to not see everything reflected through loneliness glasses. I often had the following conversation in my head:

I asked that new woman from coworking space for coffee… and it was okay I guess, but she’s not that open and nobody sees the real me like my friends did.

The grateful body

While that was true on one level, today I realized how that same woman from coworking has turned into a friend over time — we both opened up.

What I would have suggested to me back then, and anyone of us caught in loneliness, is to feel gratitude, awe, wonder, appreciation.

You might start with a list, but spend time feeling grateful, honored, connected, to whatever is on your list. Feel it deep in your heart, and let that feeling soften and fill your body, even just 5%.

It might not take the loneliness away, but it softens it. Because other people aren’t the only way to feel the truth that you are cared for in this world.  Which helps you rest into who you really are.

I’m excited to start a new 12-week group starting September 5. It’s not only helps you to address the loneliness of insomnia, it’s also a powerful way for you to understand and practice the seven pathways to rest.

I love the energy of groups, and working together to learn from each other. I like to see people make connections with each other, themselves, and tools to both soothe their nights and be more powerful during the day.

Wouldn’t it be nice to feel confident you can create restful nights? I’ll share more soon, but look at this to see the details.

For connected nights,


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