Three Ways to Release Dread

I’ve got the blues—a hard time after my dad’s death and dread of the impending presidency. Not a fun combo platter.

During the day I distract myself with chocolate and the computer. But at 3 AM, my mind is full of worse-than-horror movies, and distractions won’t cut it. So instead of avoiding my feelings, I’ve made time to be aware of them and get a new view on what I’ve been running from.

That soothes my nights and allows me to be more present and do what needs to be done during the day.

Dread and anxiety are visions of the future

Dread equals anxiety to the 100th power. Arduous, bleak, hopeless. And like most emotions, feels like a real and absolute truth, with no way out.

But of course it’s not. Dread and anxiety are stories of a terrible future.

If you find a way to come back to the present, you can stop or lessen that dreadful story spiral. Which actually gives you resources to handle the futures that arise.

Here are three ways to break the reality of dread and come to the safe and secure present moment. The first two are amazingly simple, and potent. The last is more mindful and a little tricky, but it opens up a wider view.

1. Wiggle your toes

Really? Can wiggling your feet help when dread is overwhelming you?

Wiggling your feet helps you get out of your head and ground you in your body and the moment. It can change the neural-pathway loop your body and mind are caught in.

How? Just become aware of your feet. Wiggle your toes, push down the balls of your feet, put your knees up and press them into the bed—even more powerful if you alternate side to side—to reset your body’s attention and focus.

2. Imagine a different, more positive story

When you experience your universe is ending, a positive story seems paltry and unbelievable.

But…when you create a hopeful , even for a moment, you soothe your nervous system and reduce the power of the dreadful loop.

Start by reminding yourself, “I don’t know.” Because you don’t.

Then imagine a happy incident in the story. Perhaps things aren’t as bad as imagined. Or someone (you?!) has more power to change things. Or you discover a safety net. Or a helper arrives on the scene.
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Don’t get caught up with the logic (“How could that happen if this dreadful thing is happening?”). You might not realize it, but the logic of your dreadful story already has likely flaws. Just give your nervous system a break—good things can happen, including connections, feelings of love, safety in a new form. It’s a chance to have power in the stories of your mind.

3. Take a ride with impermanence

Nothing lasts forever. That can be happy news, like when it’s finally five o’clock on a workday. Or not so happy…when you’re faced with a potential loss of a job, relationship, or working democracy.

If you’re like me, a single loss starts to feel like dominoes, and you end up grieving over not just a big good-byes, but little ones as well.

Impermanence is part of a three-part Buddhist tenet: Nothing is personal, and nothing is perfect, and nothing lasts. As forlorn as this sounds at first, it’s a doorway to see what lies beyond.

This is a big topic, and I’m not a meditation teacher. But I use the reality of impermanence to help me take a step back. Instead of my life being the center of the universe, one where I’m railing at for not staying the way I want, I can experience two things:

1. How small I am in the bigger picture. People have lived on the earth for a very short period of time. (Here is Today is a fun, interactive view of time).
2. Loss is an expected part of life, not something that’s wrong or needs to be changed. When I stop fighting loss or impermanence, I can just be sad. Sad and not stressed trying to not be sad. This helps me ride the life I’m both given and I create.

Life is brutiful

Glennon Doyle Melton in her book Carry On Warrior, says life is brutiful–inherently both beautiful and brutal. I don’t want to look back on my life and wish I was here with the beauty, instead of agonizing over the brutality, do you?

So wiggle your toes,​ imagine a new story, accept that losses happen, and be here. To rest, to listen, to take a stand, and most importantly to show up.