You Are Not the Boss of Me! (Bad Meditation and Insomnia)

Jeezy peezy, was my mind in charge last night. I was pounced on and awakened by the stupidest of thoughts (Did I put the sheets in the dryer? Should I keep my subscription to Cook’s Illustrated?)

I caught myself as I grabbed my phone to check about buying a neck-roll pillow. I knew that once I shone the bright light of my smartphone in my eyes, I’d be making it a lot harder to return to rest.

This was not my usual relationship with my mind. What was going on? Ah, I realized, I’ve forgotten that I have a wisdom greater than my mind. Likely cause? I’d not done my half-baked meditation for a week or two.

I say half-baked, because I set my Insight Timer for just 5-10 minutes, and I’m often lazy about concentrating on my body or my breath. However I do usually manage to notice at least a few breaths, allowing my thoughts to move out of center focus.

Seems like even my bad meditation makes a difference. Last night I remembered I could turn my focus back to my body, letting the mind know I wasn’t going to pay attention to it until the morning.

Soon indeed I was resting, opening the door to sleep as well. I certainly couldn’t do that if my mind were calling all the shots.

And, yes, I meditated (badly) this morning. It takes a little practice ― not perfection ― to remember that my mind is not the boss, especially at night. And welcome the embrace of deep rest.